The Genres Of Metal...

HEAVY METAL:
The protagonist arrives on a Harley Davidson, kills
the dragon, drinks some beers and fucks the princess


GRIND METAL:
The protagonist arrives, screams something
completely undecipherable for
about 2 minutes and then leaves...


POWER METAL:
The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn,
escapes from the dragon,
saves the princess and they make love in an
enchanted forest


THRASH METAL:
The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves
the princess and fucks her....... easy and quick


FOLK METAL:
The protagonist arrives with some friends playing accordions,
violins, flutes and many more weird instruments,
the dragon falls asleep(from all the dancing) protagonist
leaves without the princess


VIKING METAL:
The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon
with his mighty axe,
cooks and eats it, rapes the princess to death,
steals the castle and burns the
place before he leaves


DEATH METAL:
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks
the princess, beats the
princess, talks some shit, kills her, then leaves


BLACK METAL:
The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the
dragon and impales it in the
front of the castle.....then sodomizes the
princess, drinks her blood in a
ritual before killing her.....then he impales the deflowered
princess


GORE METAL:
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and
revels in his guts in the
front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her....then he
fucks her dead body, slashes her belly open and eats her guts,
fucks the carcass for the
third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the
last time


DOOM METAL:
The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the
dragon and thinks that he
never could beat him, gets depressed and commits suicide....the
dragon eats his body and the princess as well


PROGRESSIVE METAL:
The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a
solo for 26
minutes, the dragon kills himself out of boredom,
the protagonist arrives to
the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all
the techniques learned in
the last year of the conservatory... the princess escapes, and is
now looking for the "HEAVY METAL" protagonist


GLAM METAL:
The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the
guy's appearance and lets
him enter, he steals the princess' make-up and
tries to paint the castle in a
beautiful pink color


INDUSTRIAL METAL:
The protagonist arrives wearing greasy overcoat,
makes an obscene gestures
towards dragon, and gets escorted out of fairy tale
land by security guards.


EMO METAL:
The protagonist checks his hair and makeup and
makes sure it's all black and
sassy, then arrives to confront the dragon,
complains about his mascara,
pretends he's a vampire, cries like a bitch, does a little pit-fu
to attempt to intimidate the dragon, rolls his pants legs up and
runs like a girl. The
princess awaits any of the other metal types.